A Merry Little Ex-Mas: Will Someone PLEASE Have Sex with Chet?

This year's crop of Netflix Christmas movies is decidedly lacking in star power. In the past, their Christmas offerings have included movies with household names like Lindsay Lohan, Christina Milian, and Brooke Shields. This year, there's only one with recognizable stars: A Merry Little Ex-Mas, with Alicia Silverstone and Melissa Joan Hart. Cher and Clarissa, together at last! You know, as I'm looking at this list of stars, I'm realizing that they were all big in the 90s and early 00s, which means my perception of their stardom might be colored by the fact that I'm getting old. You know you're middle-aged when all the nostalgia media is targeted at you. Which is probably why I decided to watch this one with my best friend, who was right there beside me when I was introduced to Cher and Clarissa in the first place.

Jingle Bell Heist: Santa vs. The Security State

I would be so bad at crime. When confronted with authority, I have a terrible habit of telling the absolute truth. That got me locked in my cabin for 24 hours of my first cruise because I admitted that I had felt nauseous earlier in the day during a very turbulent flight. It got me a ticket years later when I admitted that, oh yeah, I totally did know that my rear tail light was out but I haven't fixed it. It never even occurs to me to lie about things until it's too late. So while I've got decent heist planning skills and an eye for weaknesses, I've long since decided that a life of crime is not in the cards for me. I think that the protagonists of Jingle Bell Heist could use some similar self-reflection, given how absolutely disastrous they are at crime.

Becoming Santa: Those Aren't Festive Ribbons, They're Red Flags

One of the things I like most about Christmas rom-coms is that they cater shamelessly to the female gaze. All the women are stressed single ladies who just want to find the one, and all the guys are hunks with hearts of gold who behave honorably and commit willingly. Usually our heroine might act poorly through insecurity or fear or because she's protecting someone else. But every now and again, you get a female lead who is 100% the villain in her own story. Such is the case with the deranged Christmas rom-com Becoming Santa.

My Secret Santa: This is How Santa Kinks Are Born

A couple of weeks ago, I met a guy who dresses up as Santa Claus. He also draws caricatures and deals poker--interesting guy. Anyway, he told me that Santas belong to a professional group called the Amalgamated Order of Real Bearded Santas that calls themselves "The Nation's Premier Fraternity of A-List Santas." I wonder what they would think about My Secret Santa, a movie with very questionable Santa professionalism.

Just Like a Christmas Movie: All I Want for Christmas is a CAT Scan

To make a good parody, you have to love the genre. Previously, I covered Christmas with the Campbells, which can't decide whether it's a parody or a raunchy comedy, and A Hollywood Christmas, which is more of a meta commentary than an actual parody. Neither movie seems like it was made by people who unabashedly love Christmas rom-coms, who know the tropes inside and out and know just how to skewer them. Well, this year, Netflix served me up the parody I've been waiting for. Just Like a Christmas Movie was an absolute delight that totally understands what we love to hate about the genre.

Holiday in Santa Fe: Ho, Ho, Jose!

So, fun fact about me: when I was growing up, my mom owned a Southwestern art gallery. Several times a year, we would drive down from Denver to Santa Fe or Albuquerque or Taos, filling the car with art until there was barely any room for the people. I once spent eight hours sharing a seatbelt with a three foot tall Navajo madonna statue that had very pokey hands. Those trips were the inspiration for Privately Enchanted, my shifter romance set at a resort outside of Santa Fe. That's also why I excitedly texted my mom and sister when I discovered the Mario Lopez Lifetime movie Holiday in Santa Fe on Netflix.

Your Monster: Beauty and the Beast Meets Drop Dead Fred

Like every bookish, brown-haired girl in the 90s, I was obsessed with Belle from Disney's Beauty and the Beast. Her best friend is a sexy French candlestick and her grandmother is a tea pot, which explains so many of my current day interests and obsessions. I also fell deeply in love with The Beast, the ultimate gruff-guy-with-a-heart of gold, with shoulders to die for and forearms that begged to be stroked. I distinctly remember being disappointed when he turns back into the Prince at the end and is just, like, a normal dude. Frankly, he's not even as hot as Gaston! Disney clearly felt he was lacking as well, because in Beauty and the Beast: An Enchanted Christmas, the direct-to-video sequel, he's just the beast again. There's just something about that big furry monster wearing a suit that really does it for me.

Wait, does that explain how much I love dogs in costumes?

The Wrong Paris: Save A Horse, Ride a Cowboy

So, fun fact, I'm not particularly into reality TV. I have too much sympathetic cringe to watch people embarrass themselves in front of the camera. I like a competition show, like Project Runway or MasterChef, but dating shows like The Bachelor are not really my thing. That didn't stop me at all from really enjoying The Wrong Paris, the new Netflix movie about a woman who thinks she's about to go to Paris, France, and ends up in Paris, Texas instead.

I Am Dragon: How to Bang Your Dragon

As you probably know, I'm currently running a Kickstarter for Kings of the Fire, my dragon shifter romance novel series. So when I was browsing the r/romancemovies subreddit the other day looking for recs, I was pretty excited to discover I Am Dragon. I have a soft spot for Beauty and the Beast retellings, plus a high tolerance for subtitles and an Amazon Prime subscription, so I fired this up at the first chance.

Love at First Sight: Nothing Like This Ever Happened to Me on a Plane

Once, on a plane from North Carolina to Colorado, I overheard two people behind me having a getting-to-know you conversation. Since they were both loud and modern flying means you're practically sitting on top of each other, I heard them talk about their hometowns, their families, their spouses, their shared interests. I was tuning them out, but my ears pricked up when they started talking about how they were unsatisfied in their marriages and they felt a connection to each other.

Happiness for Beginners: Don't Let Anyone Tell You Camping is Romantic

Look, I don't like camping. In my opinion, the whole of human history has been directed to the point where we could turn on the lights after dark, cook without starting a fire, and sleep in a warm, soft place. Deliberately choosing to sleep outside is like slapping your ancestors in the face. Also, did I mention running water? Clean water of various temperatures comes out of your walls! Truly, we live in a time of miracles.

My husband loves camping and has tried many times to make it comfortable and enjoyable for me, but a decade into our relationship we've both accepted that I will never enjoy the outdoors as much as he does. Which is why he was surprised when I told him I was watching Happiness for Beginners, a 2023 Netflix rom-com that is set on a "beginner" camping/hiking trip. But I figured, hey, I'll watch two attractive people wander through the woods, as long as I get to stay here on the couch.

My Fault London: Yeah yeah, this is totally what it's like to be 18