Jane Austen is the Benevolent Matriarch of All Romancelandia

Her novels form the basis for the entire genre, and they contain tropes that are still wildly popular today. If old Jane could see the sprawling proliferation of media created from her works, I think she'd be proud...if shocked at how far we've come from hand-holding. This week I watched two very different Austen remakes, and y'all, I have thoughts.

Fire Island (Hulu, 2022): Noah (Joel Kim Booster) and his friends are on their annual trip to Fire Island, a vacation destination none of them could afford if they didn't have a free place to stay. At a bar, Noah's friend Howie (Bowen Yang) meets a nice, gorgeous doctor who takes an interest, which Noah encourages despite the doctor's rich, snooty friends. Over the course of a week, Howie falls for the doctor but feels inadequate, and Noah realizes that the guy he thought was a judgmental jerk is actually so much more. That's right, it's a Pride & Prejudice remake, but brought into the modern day in a fresh and interesting way. Instead of five unmarriagable sisters, we have five gay men who struggle to feel desirable in a community driven by appearances. Instead of Mr. Collins coming to claim his inheritance, we have the mortgage company coming to claim their due. And we have Wickham, proving that fuckbois are gonna fuckboi, whatever the era.

Even as this movie moves through the familiar beats of P&P, it doesn't shy away from the sexier and seedier sides of gay culture. There's plenty of drugs, sex, and dirty jokes. There are also an endless parade of hot guys in this, all of whom have glistening muscles and no qualms about showing them off. Testosterone is practically bouncing off the screen. Though this is very much a sex comedy, there's a genuine romantic heart to it as well. Noah and Will (aka Darcy) (Conrad Ricamora) clash repeatedly, and it's fun to watch them slowly realize how much they are alike. While those two get steamier every time they see each other, Howie and Charlie (aka Bingley) (James Scully) have an incredibly sweet chemistry that makes their inevitable HEA very satisfying. When Howie and Charlie finally get together, the moment is imbued with plenty of sunset romanticism, but also the knowledge that a gay Asian character--so often a sidekick--is finally getting his own happy ending.

I really liked this movie, and it's a new take on something familiar. I would recommend it when you're in the mood for a bawdy comedy with heart.

Persuasion (Netflix, 2022): Anne Elliott (Dakota Johnson) is the serious middle daughter in a family of narcissistic snobs who gave up her chance at love because her family didn't approve of her suitor's poverty. Now her family has fallen on hard times, while her ex-beau Frederick Wentworth (Cosmo Jarvis) has become a Naval Captain who associates with important people. When he returns home to find a wife, the hurt feelings between them begin to heal and they realize that the spark has not died over their many years apart.

In other words, it's got everything you expect from an Austen remake: English countryside, women in pretty dresses and dudes in cravats sitting around gorgeous manor homes, and at least one turned ankle. But it also has this really weird semi-modern tone: the characters talk about "self-care," their "exes," and being an "empath." It's like a bunch of AP English students read the Spark Notes of Persuasion and then were asked to act it out. At one point, a sheaf of sheet music was described as a "playlist;" another note contains a frowny-face emoji. This could have been interesting if they'd committed to it fully, but instead it was just sort of half-modern dialogue, half-1800s Britishisms. Very strange. But that's not the weirdest part. Anne Elliott frequently speaks directly to camera as a sort of narration, but other people hear her all the time. Like, she gets caught doing it multiple times. So are we to believe that this character is just narrating her life constantly, staring right down the barrel of a camera that isn't really there? If so, we're sort of tipping into Lady Rochester territory.

She is also clearly an alcoholic, but I actually support that as a character choice.

Dakota Johnson is pretty good in this, looking suitably windswept and romantic in various British settings. Cosmo Jarvis is too mopey for my taste, and I really need someone to sort out his facial hair. Weren't these kind of guys supposed to have valets? Henry Golding shows up, bringing way too much star-power to every scene. The costumes and sets are suitably lovely, but the weird choices in dialogue and structure made this more confusing than enjoyable. If you're thinking about watching this, go watch the 2005 Keira Knightley Pride & Prejudice again instead.

What’s your favorite Austen retelling? Let me know at lilycahillwrites@gmail.com