Your Monster: Beauty and the Beast Meets Drop Dead Fred
Like every bookish, brown-haired girl in the 90s, I was obsessed with Belle from Disney's Beauty and the Beast. Her best friend is a sexy French candlestick and her grandmother is a tea pot, which explains so many of my current day interests and obsessions. I also fell deeply in love with The Beast, the ultimate gruff-guy-with-a-heart of gold, with shoulders to die for and forearms that begged to be stroked. I distinctly remember being disappointed when he turns back into the Prince at the end and is just, like, a normal dude. Frankly, he's not even as hot as Gaston! Disney clearly felt he was lacking as well, because in Beauty and the Beast: An Enchanted Christmas, the direct-to-video sequel, he's just the beast again. There's just something about that big furry monster wearing a suit that really does it for me.
Wait, does that explain how much I love dogs in costumes?
Your Monster begins with the tagline "Based on a tru-ish story." The director, Caroline Lindy, was dumped by her boyfriend during a medical crisis. The same thing happens to Laura Franco (Melissa Barerra), a promising young Broadway actress who has spent months "helping" her composer boyfriend write a new musical, only to be unceremoniously dumped when she's diagnosed with cancer. Laura moves home to recover from surgery and the breakup, and finds herself lonely and spiralling as she finds that all the people in her life that should support her--her mother, her boyfriend, her best friend--are nowhere to be found.
That's when she discovers the monster in her closet: a childhood fantasy come to life in the form of a cynical Brooklyn hipster with dreadlocks and deadly claws. Monster (Tommy Dewey) initially tries to push her out of the house, but they form an uneasy truce and eventually bond over sesame chicken and old musicals. Before long, they're falling for each other, but Laura isn't over her old boyfriend...who just became her director in the play she helped him to write.
This is the point of the movie where it stops being a spooky rom-com and starts being a portrait of a woman in crisis. Laura's desperate desire to be loved causes her to make a bunch of bad choices, and she sinks deeper into psychosis. I won't spoil the ending, but it's not exactly happy. If you like your romance with a healthy dose of psychotic revenge, it might work for you, but it didn't really work for me.
Never miss a review!
Melissa Barrera was lovely and charming, with powerful screen presence that almost overcomes the series of twee overalls and patterned dresses she's inexplicably wearing. Seriously, almost everything she wears wouldn't be out of place on a Raggedy Anne doll. The one exception is a gorgeous vintage white dress she wears when she's dressed as the Bride of Frankenstein on Halloween. For real, where can I get a spangly white dress and beehive wig by tomorrow?
I was less impressed by Tommy Dewey as Monster. Over and over again, I thought, would this thing he's doing be cute if he wasn't covered with all this monster makeup? Over and over again, I concluded that the answer was no. The movie is totally uninterested in his back story, so it was hard to develop any affection for his character. He also lacks the shoulder/forearm combo that I consider essential for a true sexy beast. I think I might like him more in a straight comedic role, but he didn't work for me as a romantic hero. It doesn't help that, as my husband pointed out, he looks exactly like the Geico Caveman.
Can you watch this with your Grandma while you're giving out candy on Halloween night? I wouldn't advise it. Or, watch until the end of the Halloween party and then leave it there. I think this movie is promising, but the blend of tones doesn't work. Is this supposed to be a horror movie, or a rom-com, or a psychological drama? Any two of those would probably work, but putting all three together doesn't work.
What are you watching this spooky season? Let me know!
Read my review of last year's spooky season rom-com,