There's a Christmas Psycho Out There For Everyone
One of my very favorite things in the world is the How Did This Get Made podcast. It's a podcast where three comedians and their friends talk about bad movies, and they cover everything from obscure 80s sci-fi to the new Fast and the Furious movie. Every year, they cover at least one Christmas movie, and this year they picked a real doozy. |
In A Beauty and the Beast Christmas, a social media influencer named Ginger Holiday (Leah Pipes) has made her career under as @millenialmerrymaker, and her entire account is dedicated to the premise that "Christmas is a life choice." One day, Ginger and her sassy black assistant Kensington (GloZell Green) (oh my god every single one of these names is crazy) are doing a candy cane hair dyeing video, Ginger gets a chemical burn along her hairline, which is in fact the natural consequence of putting peppermint directly on your skin. This, I think, is the "Beast" moment, where Ginger is rendered horrific and unlovable by the disgusting scarring on her forehead. You can see it in the picture above, right? The terrible scar that will destroy her career as an influencer and make her repellent to every person she encounters for the rest of her life? How about now? |
Oh, you still can't see the pestilential rash that is ruining the life of this young, beautiful, talented woman, cut down before her time by a painful condition that even the most experienced doctors have to steel themselves to study? You can't see the biblical plague that is erupting along her hairline, making her skin so freakish that children scream at the sight of her? How about now? |
Sorry, maybe I should have given you a trigger warning before showing you something so gross. Anyway, Ginger's numbers are dropping because she's not constantly producing new videos. In a conversation with her sleazy manager Derek (Rob Raco), Ginger reveals that she's been making these Christmas videos since she thirteen, at which point she basically became the primary breadwinner for her family, so it kinda makes sense that she's completely panicking about her waning fame. Also on the line is a contract with Glitzen Cosmetics, who have pledged to make a donation to Ginger's charity if she meets some social media metric I can't remember. Derek has a great idea: his client Beau Bradley (Ryan Kelley) is also losing followers, and if he and Ginger announce a fake engagement they might cause enough of a stir to get back on top.
Beau has his own problems. His bad boy image doesn't look as fresh in his mid-thirties as it did when he got started, and he's got crippling medical expenses. As always, the true villain is the American health care system. That's true even in this movie, which has a sleazy manager named Derek. Anyway, hilarity ensues as they attempt to make videos showcasing their relationship and end up dropping trees on each other and throwing food at each other's faces. Totally normal stuff that all couples do! Eventually, they get married for the likes, and presumably install a camera in Ginger's uterus the instant she gets pregnant. |
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